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How can I be more confident? One definition of confidence is “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities,” If  you struggle with this area in your life, you can start with self talk. Make it a habit of telling yourself positive affirmations daily, and eventually you will start to believe it. Tell yourself everyday you are confident, you are good enough, you love yourself, etc. Those positive affirmations will become reality instead of the negative self talk you repeated in your head unconsciously before.

Did you know that lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability? Instead, it is often the result of focusing too much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially parents and society. Friends’ influences can be as powerful or more powerful than those of parents and society in shaping feelings about one’s self.

A person who has healthy self-esteem simply likes himself or herself. A healthy self-esteem is not contingent on success because there are always failures to contend with. Neither is it a result of comparing ourselves with others because there is always someone better. With a healthy self-esteem, we like ourselves because of who we are and not because of what we can or cannot do.

Confidence is quiet, you don’t need to boast or brag about things; people will feel your energy and just know. A great quote that encompasses this is: “Power is like being a lady…if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher

People who are confident don’t mind being proven wrong; they would rather know whats right and be corrected, people who are cocky would rather disregard others opinions because they think what they know is right no matter what others say. People who are secure with themselves already know how they feel and what they think and want to know your opinion to get feedback. A person who is confident with themselves and their opinions know they are intelligent but are always striving to learn more and are open and willing to hear what everyone has to say. People who are confident do not need to be the center of attention. They know what they have done and what they can do, their glory comes from knowing what they’ve achieved and don’t need validation from others (true validation comes from within). Many times people think that if they ask for help it’s a sign of weakness, but if you are secure within yourself and abilities you are secure enough to admit weakness.

Small minds discuss small things; we have all heard that saying. People who are confident discuss dreams and ideas and go out and make them a reality. If you are confident with yourself you aren’t afraid to be silly, to take risks, to get down to the nitty gritty to do what it takes to take things to the next level!

It’s important to be able to laugh at yourself, because if you can’t find a sense of humor in the craziness of everyday life, how do you expect to survive! Confident people can admit when they are wrong, aren’t scared of occasionally looking bad, or laughing at their own mistakes.

What matters most is how you feel about you. If you seek approval from others look to the people who matter most in your life. It’s not about the quantity, it’s about quality. If you have 1, 2, 3 people in your life that you have complete love and trust for, that is worth more than the 20,000 Facebook “friends” you have. Confidence comes from within, you have the power to change what you want to change! And the only person you can change is yourself!

Self-confidence and positive self-esteem can be learned. This learning will involve changes, new behaviors, and will take time and energy. Building self-esteem and confidence is dependent on breaking old habits and developing new productive ones. A key habit that needs to be shattered is the habit of negative thinking. These thoughts are probably so ingrained into your mind that you assume that they are unchangeable, but they are not. Learning how to acknowledge and deal with your negative thoughts is an effective way of starting to boost your self-esteem.

Here are come suggestions for how you can begin to work on establishing better self-esteem and become more confident:

*Stop judging yourself by what happens to you in life

*Forgive yourself and others for past mistakes. Harboring old grudges only hurts you and it takes up a lot of time and energy you could be using in more productive ways.

*Learn to think differently. When you fall into self-criticism and negative thoughts, acknowledge them and change them to positive thoughts.

*Set realistic goals, and then make a game plan to achieve them.

*Emphasize your strengths. Focus on what you can do rather than what you cannot.

*Cut people out of your life. Its important to distance yourself from “toxic people” because they will only make you feel worse about yourself.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are learned, not inherited. So lack of confidence does not have to be permanent. Since lack of confidence and lack of positive self-esteem are both learned, they can be replaced by new learning. Confidence will improve with practice. Above all, remember you are capable and worthy—just as much as anyone else, regardless of what you’ve achieved, regardless of what mistakes you’ve made. Knowing that intellectually is the first step to believing it in your heart. Believing it is the key to living it. And living it is the key to reaching your potential.

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